Madeline is struggling.
There’s T1, and then there’s a significant sensory processing disorder.
She hates her body. She feels betrayed. Many times she has asked me “Why did these things happen to me?” Her perception is that no one else in her world—and therefore, no one else—struggles with these challenges. She feels different, damaged, inhibited. She hates how the challenges of T1 and sensory issues interfere with her life.
In her worst moments, Madeline hates her body so much that she actually bites herself in anger.
Not one for self-pity, and certainly not one to foster it in my children, I have talked with her about how we all have our “hard things” in life. Everyone has them. Hers have come earlier in her life than we would have liked, but still, Hard Things happen to everyone sooner or later. I have explained to her that when we have Hard Things, they trick us into thinking that we are the only ones who have them. They make us feel badly and try to change our lives. I have explained to her that Hard Things are not our boss. We just learn how to live with the Hard Things, and keep moving forward with our lives.
Yesterday, after a difficult battle with getting dressed and getting her body to feel “just right” (a part of her sensory processing disorder compounded by wearing a pump), Madeline asked me through tears, “What did I do wrong to have these things happen to me?” Then, she left me a note later in the evening.
I am so very sorry. I wish I can not be so senstiv (sensitive) so I hope you can forgive me. I will trie (try) to make it so I will not be so senstiv eney (any) more.
I need to do something different to help her. Clearly, what I am doing is not enough to protect her little soul.