You see this thing here?
It’s a bag.
To be more specific, it’s a light blocking bag for storing test strips.It came from the pharmacy of Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center, on March 8, 2011. Two days after Madeline was diagnosed with T1D.
And to get to the point: it’s the last thing. The last physical relic I have from that time, when we were in the hospital, our heads spinning, our fears suffocating, our lives changing.
A few days ago, when I was preparing Madeline’s pump for a set change, it dawned on me that I did not need this bag anymore. We run through test strips like water; ain’t no box sticking around here long enough to get light exposed and ruined.
Why, then, was I keeping it?
I realized that the force binding me to that bag is that it is the last tangible object I have from that time.
I don’t need it anymore. It doesn’t carry a practical use for me. It doesn’t hold an emotional use, either.